finals week(s)

It's that time again! I have been very neglectful of my blog because all my attention has been on my kids, studying, work, and Chris. Yup, in that order too. Notice my house was not on the list of attention getters. Because the house has joined the blog on the "neglected list" you can only imagine what it looks like with three kids running around, two dogs, and a cat - plus we're dog sitting this week so add another dog into the mix. Sure, why not, right?

Microbiology is kicking my butt. I have spent my entire summer studying and stressing and I still might have to retake it next summer which would mess up my nursing clinicals next semester. I want to rip my hair out in large chunks thinking about wasting another summer on this crap. The worst part is that if I don't get the B- I need, I will have only missed it by a point or two at the most. I am so close, yet so far away!

The kids are doing well. Olivia is not yet walking. I brought Madison to get her hair cut really short last week and I thought Chris was never going to talk to me again - although lately that would be a blessing. Madison asked for it short and I allowed it because it's just hair and it'll grow back. It came out really cute! I'll post pictures on my photoblog later. Jacob is gearing up for first grade and we're going shopping for school clothes this weekend. My baby is growing up!

My surgery is coming up (next Friday) and I'm scared to death! All this studying has really helped to keep my mind off of it (kind of).

Stay tuned for grade updates, kid updates, and surgery updates!

work gripe

I called work to let them know about my surgery date. The new schedule had come out and I am scheduled to work August 9th and 10th. Since this interferes with my surgery, I started trying to find coverage for the weekend. I called five coworkers before reaching someone who agreed to take my shifts for me. Immediately after hanging up the phone, I emailed my supervisor to give her the heads up of the schedule change. I breathed a sigh of relief and went to bed.

I woke up this morning and checked my email to see if my supervisor had gotten back to me yet - she had not. I was making lunch when I heard the pinging of my laptop alerting me of a new email. It was an email from my supervisor saying that the coverage I found was not acceptable and I'd need to find an alternative.

Since I exhausted all my options in my first attempt, I'm not sure how I'm going to find a suitable solution the second time around. I'm so frustrated.

consult

I went to my consult. I was incredibly nervous but thankfully the surgeon was very nice and put my mind at ease. Chris and I have been discussing the pros and cons and I think we've finally come to a decision we are both satisfied with. My surgery will be August 8th. This will give me three solid weeks of recovery before returning to school in September. I am crossing my fingers that this will be enough time for me to get back to normal since that is all the time I have to recover.

update

or lack there of. I have been in a major funk lately. Nothing seems to be going right and I'm having a hard time accepting things for what they are. I've been pretty down and it's really taking a toll.

Even though I haven't been posting here, I've been trying to keep my photoblog updated (as much as possible). If you decide to check out my photoblog, please note that it is open to my family and IRL friends and I'd like to keep them far away from this blog. I just feel like I'd lose my ability to write freely if they were reading and commenting here. I'm weird and openly admit it.

In other news, Chris and I have decided that our family is going organic and I started weight watchers.

What a random post.

it pours

I brought Olivia for her 1yr check-up this morning. We had the worst nurse ever - she rivals Nurse Ratched. She asked me lay Olivia down on the table so she could measure her head. I warned her that she hates her head touched and has an independent mind lately. I offered to hold her in my arms upright and she could sneak the measurement of her head just like the other nurses in the office have done in the past. She refused and instructed me to lay her down on the table. Of course, Olivia freaked out - shaking her head back and forth and waving her hands. I tried holding her still the best I could only to hear the nurse say "Um, Mom - could you do something to hold her still? I can't do everything! I'm not Supernurse!" Clearly. She finally got her head measurement and did a quick length measurement but it was shotty at best. She didn't stretch her heals or try to get her body in a straight line. Olivia was 28in long by her measurements. We then go into the hallway to get her weight. The nurse attempted to zero the scale but didn't place the pad on the scale first. I had to ask her to zero the scale again before placing Olivia on it. Olivia weighed 18 lbs even. We go back to the room to wait for the pediatrician where we waited for at least 15mins. When the pediatrician came in she immediately got to work. She first addressed Olivia's skin tone noting its orange-yellow appearance. It has been this color long before she started eating carrots, sweet potatoes, and squash. The pediatrician said to watch the whites of her eyes for any yellow coloring since this could indicate a liver problem. She then shows me the weight and height charts and points to the dots slightly off the chart that represent where Olivia stands. She said her weight was acceptable since babies tend to lose or plateau when they become more active but she was concerned with the fact that her height had declined slightly. She suggested that Olivia might have a thyroid or growth hormone issue going on that would explain her slow growth. I couldn't believe it! What else could go wrong in one appointment? The pediatrician suggested that we wait three months until her next appointment and recheck her height. If it's still an issue we'd get her thyroid and growth hormone checked with a blood test. Because we are going through this with Jake, I requested that we have the blood test done before leaving the office. Olivia got three shots which left welts and blood stains on her clothes. We then headed down to the lab to get her blood drawn. My poor girl was stuck four times before we left the building.

When we finally got home I made her a bottle and cuddled with her on the couch until she fell asleep on my chest. She was so peaceful in my arms after such a stressful morning. I placed my lips on her forehead for a minute breathing in her sweet smell. For these short moments my baby was safe with me.

when it rains

I went into Jake's room this afternoon to tell him that rest time was over and found him passed out. Never a good sign. Sure enough, when my little man emerged from his room his face was pale and he was whining about his belly and his head. Little bugger is sick. It figures! I had class tonight, and for the next 24hrs I'll have my nose in my microbiology book studying for an exam tomorrow night. As I was leaving for class tonight, Jake asked me to stay home and sit with him. Practically broke my heart. I told him that I had to go to class but would check on him when I got home. I felt so guilty for leaving him. I shouldn't be going to school right now, I should be home with my babies. I should be reading them bedtime stories and kissing them goodnight. When I got to class I explained to my professor that I had a sick child at home and asked if I could be excused from lecture after our quiz. He agreed and I was able to make it home just as Jake was going to bed. I read a couple of chapters of Jigsaw Jones and kissed his forehead. Thankfully, his fever is coming down with the help of some Motrin. I just hope his belly feels better tomorrow.

practice doesn't make perfect

I take my camera out at least once a day. After annoying my children with the lens in their face, I quickly plug my camera into my computer to see what I've done. Each day it's the same pictures, different outfits, different problems. I get frustrated and put the camera away vowing never to touch it again. Then I look at pictures taken by Michelle, Girl, and Krysten whose talents inspire me and frustrate me all at the same time. I get lost in their work and think that if I work hard, I too, will be able to call photography a talent of mine. Not so. I pick up the camera and start taking more pictures hoping to create something worth showing off. No such luck. Although I haven't given up yet, part of me wonders when I'll realize that I'll never be good enough. I laugh because we went out and bought a decent camera, a few lenses, and the accessories, to take better, higher quality pictures. I'm frustrated. I'm sitting here treading water in the ocean of photography and while I'm not exactly sinking, I'm not swimming either. I hope that I'm half as good as Michelle, Girl, and Krysten one day. They are truly amazing. While I aspire to be amazing someday, I'd settle for 'average' in a flash.

zoo reviews: Little Tikes Crashing Waves Waterslide

(photo from Walmart.com)

I bought this for Olivia's birthday party since it was 96* and we had a TON of kids coming. My parents haven't opened their pool yet so we needed a way to keep the kids cool. I ventured out to ToysRus but they didn't have anything in the same price range that Jacob could be independent on. By "independent" I mean utilize it the same way other children his age would rather than relying on someone to get him around the contraption. I wanted him to feel "free" to play and have fun with the other kids. Anyway - I didn't see anything at ToysRus so I stopped at Walmart on my way home to find this slide by Little Tikes.

Even though Chris wasn't happy with the price tag, he was thrilled with it once he saw how easy it was to set up and take down. He also apologized for giving me a hard time about it once he realized how miserable all the kids would have been without it. Miserable kids = miserable adults.

After everyone left, Chris and I got into our bathing suits and played in the water with Jake and Madison. We were able to go down the slide too even though the box says it's for ages 5-10. My first thought was "Umm...could you be more specific? Are we talking an American 10yr old or a Chinese 10yr old - because there is a difference!" Once we opened it up we pulled out the directions which state that the slide will hold up to 350lbs at any given moment. We had a blast!!

Zoo Review - 5 Bananas

Retails for $349 - $399 at Walmart
Set Up: 3 minutes or less
Pick Up: Once dried, 10 minutes to fold up and store
Pros: Parents can play with kids if under the weight limit, hours of fun, the pool is shallow enough for our 1yr old to stand it, Easy to use, convenient carry bag for storage and transporting
Cons: Price, because of constant water feed for slide and water gun - water in the pool doesn't warm up much.
Overall: We'll be using it a lot this summer when we can't get to the beach or when we have playdates. We love it!!!!

On a side note: Don't try to pick the box up by yourself! I have plenty of bruises to show for my many failed attempts to get the box in my cart. Our Walmart isn't known for their helpful employees.

one beautiful year!

One year ago I held you in my arms and cried over your beauty. I couldn't believe you were all mine. When the nurse had to take you back to the nursery to take your vital signs and give you your first bath, I sat there counting the minutes that passed while you were gone. When I couldn't take it anymore, I sent Daddy to get you and bring you back to me. Being the best Daddy ever, he did just that. He placed you back in my arms where you stayed until your many visitors arrived.

When we brought you home, you were still napping in your seat. You had fallen asleep in the five minutes it takes to get from the hospital to the house. You came into the house peaceful, quiet, and calm and that's how it has been ever since (for the most part).

It has been an amazing year and I can't imagine my life without you. So, Happy 1st Birthday my little "Livi Bug"! I love you sweet baby girl - more than I could ever express in words.

the other woman

Chris plays xbox pretty regularly. I've never really minded as long as it doesn't interfere with things that need to be done. In order for him to play his favorite game (GTA), the kids have to be in bed AND asleep. I've joked that once the kids go to bed, I come second to the xbox. That was a joke until I got shhhh'd tonight so he could hear what his GTA girlfriend was saying!

I'm planning a bonfire - I'm curious to see how fast the xbox will burn.

some tlc for the home

We've been busy landscaping this spring. Last year we clear cut our entire front yard, eliminating all the 60s style shrubs and an old crab apple tree. I figured I'd share a few photos to show off our work. When I find the picture of the house in it's original state, I'll edit this post with it to paint the whole picture.

After we clear cut - raised flower beds in the making:

Finished flower beds and the beginning of a lawn:

After Chris planted the Dogwood tree:

In the flower beds under the windows: holly, mini rhododendron - blooming purple, hydrangea - endless summer's blushing bride, boxwood, hostas, creeping phlox - alternating white and purple.

We designed the flower beds, and picked out our plants with someone at our local nursery, and Chris did all the grunt work. He even picked up the plants and planted them all while I was at work one day to surprise me when I got home.

The Great American Pastime

No, I'm not talking about baseball, ball park franks, or cracker jacks. I'm talking about the other great American pastime - DEBT. Americans watch their credit scores about as often as they tune into their favorite sports team. Debt has become the American way.

When I worked retail I found it amazing how many people would open a store card just to save a whole 10% on their purchase. No one ever asked what the interest rate was. Easy points for the store employee who is competing for the most cards opened. After working just one week I could tell who would open a card just by looking at them, deciding whether or not to waste my breath. Soon there after, I learned never to ask a foreigner. They won't do it. They are much to smart with their money.

We Americans - not so much. Want that car? Finance it. Want that house? Finance it. Want to take a vacation? No problem - No Interest, No Payments for 12mos. You get the point. Almost every store you go into in the mall has their own card and their own gimmick.

A related topic: College Tuition.

I've almost recovered from the heart attack I suffered after figuring out how much money I will have wrapped up in student loans when I graduate. Almost. I can't believe how much I'll be paying toward my loans for the first five years of my career. Almost my entire paycheck!!! Now tell me that I won't be absolutely miserable sending that check out each month. It just about equates to being an intern for five years. Wonderful. While I say that I've almost recovered from the heart attack, Chris hasn't. He's a number cruncher, that's just what he does. Having said that, I've heard every which way my hypothetical paycheck will be devoured. How depressing. Today is one of those days where I want to stand on our front lawn waving a white flag.

I surrender.

first haircut

I brought Madison for her first haircut today. It was time since her hair was starting to look a little stringy. I wanted Chris to go with me but he refused, finding other things to do around the house instead. I was really upset that he didn't think her first haircut was important! Anyway, she did great and I'm pretty happy with the results:

After I got her home I realized that I should have asked the girl to take a couple more inches off. Either way, It's a huge improvement. I just can't believe she's not a baby anymore!

back in the swing

So after a whole 6 days of vacation, I'm back at school. I can't believe summer was so short ;)

To top it off, Olivia figured she'd welcome me back to the hectic lifestyle by staying up all night. Poor thing had a high fever. I still don't know what was bothering her but I know she wasn't happy about it. While brushing my teeth before bed, I heard her whimpering (this is where I mutter "wonderful" with a mouth full of toothpaste). I figured I could give her the binkie and all would be good. Not so much. What was suppose to be a five second fix turned into an all nighter. Chris and I stayed up in shifts. I stayed up until 4:45a when I finally passed her off.

Chris complained that I took the "easy" time and next time he's taking the first shift. In all my exhaustion, I felt like kicking him. Yeah, I had the "easier" time since I did the bath, the rocking, the swaying, the dancing, the shhhh-ing, the massage, the bottle, the diaper changes (yes, there were multiple) - which led to multiple pj changes, etc. That was so much easier than changing her diaper once before walking down 12 stairs, lifting the blanket on the couch, slipping beneath it, and falling asleep. Whew...that was tiresome buddy!

i'm a jerk

I tried to remember to call him, I really did. I meant to call him on Sunday but it was Mother's Day. Then I meant to call yesterday but we spent the entire day in and out of Doctor's appointments. I can't believe I screwed up so bad.

I called my uncle a couple of weeks ago in a panic because I need to renew my CPR certification in order to remain in the nursing program. The card has to be in their hands by June 1st. I called my uncle because he helped me out the last time since he is a firefighter and has connections with CPR instructors. This time, he had to do some finangling in order to help me out. It took two days to get a date and time for my test. It was for 5/13 @ 7p

The other day I discovered a little league challenger team nearby. Chris spoke to the coach who told us to attend their upcoming game on Tuesday, 5/13 @ 6p. Shit. Because this meant so much to me to see Jacob playing a sport he loves, I ran up to work and ended up getting certified there so I could make Jake's dream a reality. I was trying to be a good Mommy. I ended up being a horrible niece.

Because I didn't get a chance to call him before, I swore I would call him this morning after breakfast. Well he beat me to it. He called as I was getting out of the shower to remind me about my certification tonight. Probably to make sure I didn't no-show making him look like a jerk. Instead, I'm the jerk. I told him the whole story and all I got was short answers and an excuse to get off the phone. I deserve that.

Why can't I make anyone happy?

Although I didn't go about it the right way, I really thought that what I was doing was right. I still do. My child and his happiness comes first. I wish instead of being angry with me, he'd say to himself "there's a dedicated Mom".

Now my whole day is ruined because I'm the type of person who will beat myself up over it well after everyone else has forgotten. I've done this my whole life. I've tried to be the person who doesn't care. I've failed miserably at each attempt. I even bought a new pair of glasses without anyone's input. I held my head high and felt great about my choice - until I got home. Chris looked at me and sighed heavily, my best friend stared at them and didn't say a word, and my Dad voiced his disapproval. I tried really hard not to care what others thought but I failed. I am now so self conscious about my glasses that I only wear them around the house.

Why is it that the person who tries so hard to please people ends up pleasing no one?

my heart goes out

My friend just found out that her seven year old daughter has spina bifida. That was the worst email I've ever had to read, as I'm sure it was the worst one she's ever had to write. I'm at a loss for words. Reading that email brought back so many memories and emotions from when Jake was born and everything we've been through since that wonderful and scary day. This has rekindled my interest in putting my experiences of raising a child with spina bifida into words. I started a blog called Raising Jake a while ago. I had planned to start our story, his story, from the day I found out I was carrying a child with spina bifida to present. A huge project to say the least. I think the reason I haven't done anything with this blog is mainly because I'm afraid to let those feelings and fears resurface. Just thinking about it, I remember the smells, the sounds, and the tightness in my throat. I remember sitting in the doctor's office after the conclusive ultrasound clenching my teeth, blinking wildly, and breathing irregularly just to hold back the tears. I remember thinking "Not me, this can't be happening to me and certainly not to my baby". I imagine that is how my friend feels right now. Even though I've been through it with Jacob, I feel like I don't know what to do for her. I don't know what to say or how to act. Part of me wants to say I'm sorry even though I know from being in her shoes that the words "I'm sorry" hurt. Bad.

My heart is aching all over again.

jake update

We went to spina bifida clinic today for Jacob's 6mo check up. Thankfully, we got nothing but good news today. Everything looks great and there are no surgeries on the books in the near future. We are truly thankful. We have to return for a urodynamics study in the next couple weeks but expect this to be a routine check. While we were there we were able to switch his bedtime medication to a capsule that we'll break open and sprinkle on his food. He had been on a liquid but the flavor of this medication is famously strong and hard to choke down. It was making Jacob gag, cry, and come up with some pretty interesting excuses to get out of taking it. Not to mention how hard bedtime had become.

sending some love

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful Mommies out there. More importantly a special "thank you" to all the Moms I have grown to love and respect. I don't know what I would do with out you guys. Thank you for listening to me complain, offer advice when I need it, support me, pick me up when I'm down, and most of all thanks for being you!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

what i've been up to:

I've been busy making invites for Livi's first birthday. I'm pretty happy with how they came out except for the fact that I can't make a pretty bow to save my soul. It's pretty pathetic actually. I found it kind of relaxing to craft something. It was a nice change of pace for me and I haven't been able to do anything creative in a long time. Here's a sample:

The color scheme works is perfect because I bought Olivia and Madison dresses from Gymboree around Easter time that are brown, pink, and cream. Because it was so cold on Easter, I didn't end up putting them in the dresses but promised Chris that I didn't waste the money and would find another use for them. I just didn't want to return them because they really are beautiful dresses. We plan to bring the kids to get their pictures taken this week so I'm going to do one for Olivia's first birthday while we're there. I plan to put her in the dress and use the pictures for the thank you cards. I wonder if that is enough "use" for Chris?! :)

I can't believe my little Livi Bug is going to be 1.

Stupid BMI

I went to the doctor today to get a copy of my immunization record and have my TB test read. While I'm sitting there on the table waiting for the doctor to come in, I notice a strategically placed BMI chart. I placed on finger on my weight and another on my height and traced the two until they met...in the "overweight" section. I swear that chart was made by a skinny bitch. Seriously, I was probably my ideal weight freshman year in high school, when I hardly ate much of anything. Now that I've had three kids, my "ideal" weight is anything that doesn't offend others. Thanks for a great start to my awesome day of "what the hell".

And just to add to my wonderful day: my teeth hurt. Chris and I went and got our first invisalign retainers today. It sounded like a good idea at the time - not so much anymore. I have to say that this might be the key to loosing all that baby weight since it's such a pain to eat anything. The first three attempts at eating today failed miserably because I couldn't get the stupid retainers out.

Here's the updates:

Olivia had her weight check yesterday. Looks like formula is working for her, a little. She's only gained 1 1/2 lbs and still occupies the same spot on the growth chart - around 5th percentile. She's just a peanut. I tried telling the pediatrician this at our last appointment when he demanded that I stop breastfeeding right then and there. He didn't listen. Instead, he made me feel like a horrible mother and a failure. As he was explaining the chart to me and where she stood at present, he said "looks like we just have a little one on our hands". Duh. Whatever dude. You just ruined a perfectly good and comfortable nursing relationship between me and my last baby and all you have to say is that I was right in the first place. Makes me want to cry.

As for Project Organization, we're done. Well almost. We skipped the basement since we really can't do anything down there until the termites vacate the premises. We expect to be able to organize down there by the end of next month. It feels really good to have a clean and organized house.

We're also in the process of signing Jacob up for a little league challenge team for children with disabilities. He is the biggest sports fan ever. He has been bugging me to sign him up for baseball, basketball, and soccer for the longest time. I haven't been able to find anything that he can play until recently. It breaks my heart as a mother to know that he'll never get a chance to play the sports he loves like the other kids. I'm still on the hunt for a wheelchair basketball team since his chair will be in soon but I haven't been able to find anything around here. I just want to see him happy, proud of himself and his accomplishments. He truly is my hero.

What a crazy post.

new tricks

Olivia crawled for the first time today!!!

let's celebrate!

Finals are over! The best part: I survived!

My poor neglected blog will finally get some attention now that I have a little free time. Stay tuned.

these shoes were made for walking...

Livi's first shoes:

the week of finals

Stress, stomachaches, uncontrollable nerves, stress induced IBS, inability to eat, insomnia. Sounds great right? These are just a few of my issues as I prepare for and begin finals.

As I was attempting to prepare for my first exam this morning, all three kids felt compelled create a chaotic atmosphere. This did not facilitate the retention of the study materials I was reading. First the fighting, then the yelling, the hitting, the running from room to room, "mommy can I...?", the dogs, the interruption of meals and nap time, etc. There's a reason why this blog is called The Griffin Zoo.

Anyway, I sit down to take the exam and I draw a complete blank. What I was able to remember was what Madison ate, the movie she begged to watch, and the reason Jake visited time-out. Not at all helpful in passing the class. I did my best but my best isn't going to cut it.

This insanity can't be over soon enough. Rant over.

zoo reviews: Crayola Color Cyclone

We've been playing outside so much lately with all this nice weather. I decided the kids needed something fun to play with and went closet diving for all those unwrapped summer toys I stashed last year. I came across the Crayola Color Cyclone and decided to give it a shot. It looked pretty easy to operate for both Madison and Jacob so why not right?

WRONG. It was horrible. The kids never got a chance to touch it since it was so hard to add the paint and once I got it "working" it sprayed paint from the top of the contraption all over everyone and everything in a 3 1/2 to 4' radius. Yup, it peppered the kids, the stroller, the two cars, and the deck...stupendous. This is what we were left with after a lot of hard work (notice the spray zone and keep in mind how close you need to stand in order to add paint):

Don't get me wrong, I usually find Crayola products to be well made, fun, and not to mention a life saver (i.e. Crayola Wonder). Sadly, Crayola failed to impress me with this product.

Moms Beware.

Many Thanks!

Many thanks to Michelle for making my blog beautiful! I absolutely love the new look and can't thank her enough. She rocks!

she makes me laugh

This is Olivia's new face these days. I can't help but laugh whenever she does it so now she thinks it's a game.

attack of the ladybugs

Nap time was going well until Madison let out an ear piercing scream. I ran up the stairs as fast as I could, convinced that she was seriously hurt. I opened the door to find my little girl running in place, bringing her knees to her chest and stomping her feet hard and quick. I tried to settle her down to find out what was wrong but all I got was a silent cry and a finger pointed toward the window. I looked up to find numerous ladybugs happily exploring her garden themed room. I promptly sent my bug-a-phobic (I'm sure there is a real term for this "______phobia") daughter down stairs to relax as I continued to gather ladybugs. Since I need all the luck I can get right now, I decided to gather them up and toss them out the window. Probably not one of my smarter decisions but at least I didn't kill them. I'm sure I missed a couple and I'll pay for it at 2am when she finds them in her bed but I did my best.



This is not the first time we've had an influx of ladybugs. I just don't know how they are coming in or where they are coming from.

welcome back girls!

My boobs are mine again!

We had our last nursing session yesterday. We sat upstairs in the rocking chair and had a quiet moment together. I just wanted to end our nursing relationship on a good note. She's taking the bottle now and seems less interested in breastfeeding so it was time and I'm ok with that. Looks like we made the switch at the right time because I noticed this morning that she is cutting her first tooth!

Now Momma has to go find a nice new bra to give the girls a little lift.

her first ponytail

Today was the first time I was able to put Olivia's hair into a ponytail. She's getting so big!

Under Construction

new decor to arrive shortly with talent and help from Michelle.

Rainy Days

Bad weather, bad day!

I went into work only to find that I was starting the day off behind (which is never a good sign of things to come). As I sat down, I heard grumblings of a transfer. Wonderful. I had never done a transfer before. I felt like I was running around in circles not accomplishing much of anything so I had to ask the woman I was relieving to stay and help out. I felt horrible. She ended up doing a 24hr shift just to help me get my head above water. We both busted our behinds to get the mess straightened out and at the end of the day we still didn't feel like we accomplished much even though we were beyond busy - didn't get a chance to pee, busy. I knew I should have scheduled that in.

In the middle of all this I had to deal with a cranky nurse, ridiculous rules, and a patient who needed her call button surgically removed.

What a day!

Project Organization - Day 2

Our bedroom - check.

I folded all the laundry in the baskets and put away my stuff. I left Chris' stuff for him to put away because I hate hearing that he can't find anything. I finally got our suitcases out of our room too (yeah those were used about a month ago).

Kitchen - check.

Chris did the dishes and put away the stuff in the dishwasher and drainboard. I reorganized the cabinets a week ago. He's in there cleaning the floor as I type this.

We're having Jay & Mel over for drinks later tonight. I won't be on much over the next couple days since I have two twelves at the hospital this weekend. Not to mention I have to find time somewhere in there to keep on schedule with the organization project and study for my exam on Monday. Whew...I might have to schedule in time to pee.

Welcome!

Welcome to my new home!

Many thanks to Michelle and her amazing talent for the decor ;)

Project Organization - Day 1

I started my massive plan to organize and rid my house of clutter. Today I tackled Jake’s room. I packed away his old clothes and organized his bookcase, closet, and desk. His room looks great and is my motivation to continue to Olivia’s bedroom tomorrow. I’m rolling up my sleeves and getting this project done on schedule. I’ll update each day just to keep me somewhat accountable for sticking to the schedule. If all goes according to plan I should have a completely organized house in 14 days which includes days where our schedule doesn’t allow us time to accomplish much. I will be so much more relaxed when I’m finished.

A Ray of Sunshine

My friend D who has been through more heartache than any one person should ever have to endure, has most wonderful news - she’s pregnant! Congratulations D! Much love.

Blah

I haven’t updated in a while.

School has been so busy and stressful lately. I have been on the verge of throwing in the towel and admitting defeat for a couple of weeks now. Now that I have student loans, quitting has become an impossibility for me financially and the only thing that keeps me going. I’m taking it day by day now with a whatever happens type of attitude.

Olivia and Jake had their physicals on Thursday. Jake is 32 lbs and 39 inches tall. Olivia is 16 lbs and 27 inches long. The pediatrician decided to tell me that it’s time to give up breastfeeding and give her formula based on her weight. I told him about her bottle issues and his response was “well thats from a lack of determination on your part”. What the hell is that? So now my pediatrician reserves the right to bash me too? I think not. Nothing like making me feel like I’ve been starving my child. I could write about this forever since it’s still a point of frustration but I wont.

Then the Mom’s board that I participate in has gone to hell in a hand basket. Feelings are hurt, people are frustrated and angry, and some have made the decision to leave. I’m so upset that things have come to this. I wish I could make it all better but I know I can’t. All I can do is hope that people reconsider and come back. In the midst of people leaving, you learn your importance or where you stand with them real fast. What a wake up call this has been for me. Things just aren’t what I thought they were and now I feel silly for my apparent disillusions.
Something has to give.

Big People Fears

Now that I’ve outgrown the monster under my bed and the boogie man in my closet, I have scarier things to worry about - rejection from other Moms!

I have a new member meet-up with a local Moms group first thing tomorrow morning. I’m so nervous and can’t stop thinking about all the ‘what ifs’. I worried that they’ll hate me, think my kids are wild animals, and/or I’ll dislike them and want to bail. I guess I have nothing to lose but I just hate feeling rejected.

Down & Out

Now I remember why I disliked school so much as a kid.

Yesterday was my huge lab practicum which I’ve been preparing for all week. The professor gave us little hints as to what we should focus on while studying and made a few promises to ease our minds. I had a stress induced stomach ache all day which got worse as the hours slipped by and the practicum got closer. I studied my heart out. When I felt sure I couldn’t retain any more information, I left the house and headed to school. When I got there I realized I was in trouble as I witnessed the professor setting up things he had promised we wouldn’t have to worry about. Panic set in. I began to shake and feel the fire in my cheeks. I took a few deep breaths before rising from my seat to begin the exam. I took one look in the microscope before realizing that I was in serious trouble. Shit. Each microscope displayed a different slide with different questions but all the same frustration. We were warned not to touch the stage or magnification as they were already set to the right adjustments for us. With 17 adults in the room, you’d think simple directions would be followed. They weren’t. As I walked from scope to scope I realized the “pictures” were changing. Someone had changed the magnification and moved the stage. What the hell?? As if I needed something else to work against me! I was so frustrated I walked out. I sat in the hall to “gather” myself. Instead, I broke down and cried. Realizing that crying was not going to award me the grade I hoped for, I went back inside to put ink on my paper. Making sure there weren’t any empty holes, I passed in my exam.

I definitely failed. From what I gathered, everyone else in the class didn’t do well either but that doesn’t make my situation any better. I have a written test in this class on Monday. I can’t afford to do poorly on that one but we don’t know what will be on it so the odds are against me. I just want to be done - degree or no degree.

Terrible Tuesdays

I hate Tuesdays with a passion. Tuesdays are the only day that Chris has to go to the office but if anything is going to go wrong around here - it always happens on a Tuesday!

I’m so frustrated because I have a test tonight and haven’t had time to study, the kids have been pushing my buttons all day (especially Jacob with his attitude), and the one time I talked to Chris today - he makes me angry. What the hell?! On top of all this, my house looks like a cyclone went through it. I hate mess and clutter…it makes me want to crawl out of my skin!

I give up! Something needs to change around here - and fast!

24hrs of travel on the wall....

We survived!

We left on Thursday March 6th after feeding and bathing the kids and putting them in their pjs. We didn’t tell them where we were going in hopes of eliminating the dreaded cries of ”are we there yet”. Well that didn’t work to our advantage because we ended up with “where are we going?” and “are we there yet?”. Once we hit New York, Jake began to panic so I let him know that we were headed south to visit family and we’d be there in “x” hours. Thankfully, he didn’t ask again. Chris drove the majority of the trip with the exception of the two short times I drove to let him rest. I suck at driving long distances - poor hubster. I think he drove a total of 19hrs. He was so exhausted when we got to our destination that he just passed out. Here’s what our week looked like in the sunshiny state of Florida:

Saturday - We visited with my aunt, uncle, and two cousins and it was so windy I felt like Olivia might blow away if I didn’t keep a firm grasp on her. The weather was okay when the wind died down (68* I think). We watched Bret’s baseball game and went looking at model homes in the area.

Sunday - We continued to look at some houses before meeting back up with my family for dinner and a swim.

Monday - We drove 1 1/2 hours north to visit my grandparents. The kids were furious with us for putting them back in the car. The visit was ok for the most part except that my grandparents don’t really have the patience for small children anymore. I felt bad for them since there really wasn’t much for them to do but get into things and they kept getting scolded by one person or another. After dinner we left to head back south.

Tuesday - We went to spring training (another 1 1/2 drive). Jake was so surprised and happy to be there!

Wednesday - We went to visit our friends John and Anna (yet another 1 1/2 drive). We spent the day with them then went to dinner where Jake showed off his new skill of multiplication and division that we taught him in the car.

Thursday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Jake!!!! We had a nice day with him then headed to the beach to watch the sunset. When we got there we parked in Handicap parking as we do when we have Jake since he can’t walk long distances (or at all without his braces on). Someone must have watched us get everything out of the car and carry the kids onto the beach because when we returned to the car someone had written “BULL SHIT” on our window in permanent marker. Nice. I was almost in tears thinking that someone could be so ignorant and hurtful and not to mention ballsy enough to deface someone else’s property like that.

Friday - time to get back in the car and endure the long car ride home! 24 hrs of travel on the wall, 24hrs of travel, take one down, pass it around….23hrs of travel on the wall. On a side note - Madison made it the whole week (including travel) without a single accident!

We got home late Saturday night and have been trying to get back into a tolerable routine. No such luck yet - but we’re certainly working on it.

Here’s some good quotes from our trip:

Me: “Please take Madison to the bathroom”
Chris: ” How am I suppose to do that - I can’t go into the girls room!!”
Jacob: “can we go to Pittsburgh?”
Madison: “No, I don’t want a pittsburger - I want chicken tenders!”
Jacob to Chris “Well dad, I’d like to get there in a timely fashion.”
Jacob “Hey Mom, Look - another Walgreens…they’re taking over the world”

There were many more but I’m pooped

I Must Have Lost My Mind...

We have decided to take the kids on a road trip to Florida. 24+ hours in the car with three kids and the hubster…I have to be crazy.

We’ll be gone for Jake’s 6th birthday so we’re going to surprise him with spring training tickets. We’re really starting a trend here because last year we went to Disney for his 5th birthday and this year we’ll be going back down. I sure hope this doesn’t become expected.

I Forgot to Mention

Another Year Older

Happy Birthday to me!

So far it has been a nice day since I was able to sleep in until 9:30! That was pure heaven! Now if I can only get out of cleaning, doing laundry, and cooking, it’d be the PERFECT day. I may be a year older but apparently not any wiser. Either way, it’s my day and it only comes once a year - what ever happens, it’ll be my kind of perfect.

Stupid Stomach Bug

For the past three weeks we’ve been battling the stomach bug that has been going around. I guess I was bound to get it from one of my three petri dishes. Oh, how I love my little germ factories.

Hey, Thanks Lady!

People at the DMV suck! I swear the woman is smiling right now knowing that I have to live with that god awful picture for five years! Not only was she a horrible photographer, she had the worst personality ever. I was in Rude*Mart the other day and this woman still takes the cake.

I’ll have to update later with a picture of my new license…it’s really bad.

Houdini Lives

We child proofed our house or at least we thought we did. Knob locks, drawer locks, gates, and anchors - we’ve got it all. Unfortunately, these locks are more parent proof than Madison proof.

A while back, our little girl decided to pull her dresser drawers out to form a staircase to the top. Sadly, this happened just shy of Chris getting the dresser anchored to the wall. This ended with a loud crash, screaming, and Madison found crouching beneath her fallen dresser which was caught by her bed creating a lean-to. Scared me half to death.

About a week ago, she got out of her room, crawled under the gate in mouse-like fashion, and escorted herself downstairs for some unsupervised play time.

A few days ago, she figured out how to get into her closet where we hang her dressy clothes and store a box or two of old clothes. I walked into her room to get her ready for the day to find her in layer after layer of small summer clothes. I pealed a bathing suit, skirt, a pair of shorts, tank tops, and a pair of capris off before I got down to the pjs I put her in the night before. I was trying to be stern explaining that she needs to stay out of the clothes Mommy had already neatly organized while attempting to hold back uncontrollable laughter.

Today, I walked into her room to get her up from nap to find her standing at the foot of her bed wearing a headband in the 80s sweat band style, and her face glistening. I asked what was all over her face only to hear an answer I wasn’t prepared for. Apparently, she found the small tube of Vaseline we use at bedtime to heal her chronically dry lips and moisturized her face and hair with it. She pulled off all kinds of escape acts to reach her goal.

As I was leaving for class, Chris looked at me asking what else we could possibly do to ensure her safety and keep our sanity. Well, lets see buddy….I lost my sanity years ago so you do whatever you feel is necessary to keep her safe but don’t pretend to worry about my mental state.

All Thumbs

Jake and I were working with his adding and subtracting this morning. We take turns making equations and answering them. It was my turn to answer so he made an equation that was 30-39=_____ when I told him my answer (-9) he looked puzzled. He asked what a negative is so I tried explaining it to him with the typical apples explanation. I gave him the equation of 5-6 and the conversation went like this:

Me: You have 5 apples and you need to give them to 6 people. How many people did not get an apple.
Jake: zero
Me: Jake, put up 5 fingers
He complies
Me: Now take 6 fingers away
Jake: I can’t
Me: I know - so how many fingers do you have to give to make 6?
He holds up his thumb from his other hand to show me - 1
Me: So, what do you have?
Jake: A thumb!

I was laughing so hard I almost forgot that he was still waiting for clarification. He totally gets negative numbers now that we did a few examples this morning. I’m so proud!

Feeling Old

My kids have no idea what a cassette tape is.

I explained that it plays music so Jake asked if he could hear it. Sure you can, let me just put it in the….oh, crap! We don’t have a tape player! Madison walked away with her head low, upset that she couldn’t hear The Little Mermaid. When I checked in on her again she was pulling the tape apart. I guess if she can’t listen to it, she might as well find amusement with it in other ways.
Archives

Busy Bee

I’ve been meaning to update the blog but keep getting side tracked. Stupid chores. In whatever spare time I do have, I’ve been trying to learn how to use my camera to get pictures like Michelle and Girl. They’re amazing. I can only hope to be half as good as them some day. I might try bribing them with plane tickets soon!

In other news…

We’ve been up to our elbows in potty training. No need to go into detail there. It’s been a challenge, just as I suspected it would be Madison. She’s tough. She has been responding well to positive reinforcement. It was my reaction to her peeing at the top of the stairs out of spite that caused her to take a baby step in the opposite direction. I can’t wait for her to be out of diapers already!

Off to gear up for the big game on Sunday. Go Patriots!!!

Surprise!!

Chris just found out that he got a promotion! I’m so proud of him. He is such a hard worker and so deserving of this recognition. Yay Hubby!

I just walked in from class so I’m off to fill my belly and head to bed. I’ll be sure to update soon.

In The Dark

While watching Jon & Kate + 8, I realized I must be the only person on this planet who has not been to IKEA.

I must go.

Tears

I just read one of Dawn’s posts about Julian and it touched my heart in ways I can’t explain.

I’ve been sitting here bored out of my mind while Chris plays XBox so I decided to check out some blogs I haven’t read in a while. When I came to Dawn’s blog I got sucked in as usual. She just has a way of doing that to me. I read this post about Julian and the tears have not stopped since. Once I read the last word, I placed my lap top down beside me and tip toed into Jacob’s room. I crawled into bed with him, kissed his forehead, and held him tight for a long while. The tears continued to stream down my face and pool up on the pillow. In a sleepy voice, Jacob asked why I came in to cuddle. I told him that I just needed him close to me because that’s what makes me feel better. After a few minutes of silence, I heard him say “thank you, Mom.” and my heart melted. I told him how much I love him and that he means the world to me. He sighed heavily and resumed his sleepy breathing pattern. I kissed him softly and slipped out of his bedroom. When I returned to the living room, Chris asked what I was doing. I told him I was being a Mommy.

I’m not sure I’ll ever forget Mimi’s words or the way they made me feel. I’m positive I’ll never forget how a little boy I’ve never met touched my heart in such a profound way.

U.G.L.Y

I ventured out today in search of a nice pair ugly shoes. When I say ugly, I mean practical and comfortable. I came home empty handed. I found plenty of unattractive shoes but they were just as uncomfortable as the really cute ones and twice as expensive. I just need a pair of brown casual shoes to wear with my jeans on days I don’t feel like wearing heels. Rather days when I don’t feel like having my big toe kiss my pinky toe.

Discussions

Had class tonight. I always dread the first night of a new class for many different reasons. First of all, I can’t stand the childish introductory process. If I wanted everyone to know my personal information, I’d be sure to share or give them the address to my blog. Then, you don’t know who you have for a professor until he comes waddling into the classroom and begins to MUMBLE. I couldn’t understand a word the man was talking about for the full two hours and fifteen minutes of class. I believe he mentioned something about a syllabus, some exams, and a project. Then made a horrifying comment about politics that I almost crawled out of my skin over. He said this: “Black women in America are faced with an extremely difficult decision when they go to the polls as they are torn between Obama and Hillary.” I couldn’t believe that he would make such a generalized statement that a black woman would only vote democrat and on the sole basis that one happens to be black and the other female. Being me, I called him out on the flaws of his beliefs. My blood was boiling at the thought that this man could make such a blanket statement. Maybe I over reacted or maybe I was just excited that I finally understood something that came out of his mouth. Either way, I found it to be a disturbing topic for the first night of class.

Today, I cleared the air with someone I had written off five months ago. I decided it was time I got some stuff off my chest to either begin the journey down the road of reconciliation or to make peace with the break. We both voiced our thoughts on the situation and caught up with each other. In the end, it felt too awkward to say “talk to you later” since neither one of us had made the commitment to mending the relationship. I congratulated her on her pregnancy and wished her luck. We’ll see what comes of it. Either way, I feel a million times better about everything between us regardless of the outcome.

On a side note, I find it humorous that the spell check designed for a blog would flag the word ‘blog’ as misspelled. Interesting.

LKM Day

Jake’s school held a PTO fundraiser today for Luther King Martin Day (as Jake put it). They had a local pottery shop come in and we painted some plates. Jake painted a plate that I traced the Patriots logo onto and Madison painted a plate that I traced a butterfly onto. Yes, I traced because I’m artistically challenged. Jake was much more interested in talking to the people seated across from him then to get any paint onto his plate. I think he painted half a line in two hours. Madison on the other hand, used every color available to her - just one on top of the other. Neither plate resembled much of anything upon completion but it was their work of art and that’s all that matters. I’ll post a picture when we get them back. Should be interesting.

Tomorrow is the start of the spring semester. I can do this! I just need to keep telling myself that.

It Figures...

Guilt trips suck and so do the people who give them.

That’s all.

A Big Decision

Chris wants to move and I want to cry.

While warm weather and palm trees sound very nice, I can’t help but feel sad for the house that we’d be leaving. We live right next to my parents and we’ve put so much work into this house to get it exactly the way we want it - for what? To pick up and move to the oposite end of the united states? To leave family, friends, and beautifully hand painted walls? To flush years of school down the toilet and start from scratch?

No, thank you.

I’m trying to be a supportive wifey. I really am. I’m trying to stop being so damn emotional over the whole thing and let my adventurous nature come out. Why the hell am I feeling so broken? People move all the time. People adjust. I’ll adjust. What am I so scared of?

Tag...You're It

I was tagged by Kelly to do this Meme. Here are the rules:

Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.Share 5 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog. or
Share the 5 top places on your “want to see or want to see again” list. or
Share 5 things you never pictured being in your future when your were 25 years old.Tag a minimum of 5, maximum of 10 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.

Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.The tagees have a choice of which they want to do.

5 random facts about myself:
1. I have an OCD with cleanliness2. I lack patience
3. I’ve wanted to be a nurse since I was 12 and since then I’ve upped my goals to becoming a midwife.
4. I have two beautiful dogs but I’m by no means a dog lover
5. I buy spanx instead of dieting

I’ll tag: Punkerella, Erin, Amber - ahhh crap, I don’t have five people to tag…now what?!

She's a Big Girl

A new year brings the promise of new beginnings. For Madison, 2008 brought panties.
That’s right, Madison is potty training and she’s proving to be a pro at it. We’ve tried numerous times in the past six months without luck. When I found that both she and I were getting frustrated with the process, I decided to abort Operation Flush and revisit the plan after the new year. Waiting until January also brought us closer to her third birthday which I’ve been told produces a higher success rate.

Since Tuesday, she’s gone on the potty eight times on her own. Seeing how happy she gets from her accomplishments brings me great joy. Sure, we bribed her with M&Ms but it worked - and I’m not above bribery. I tried for a few years to do this parenting thing without any leverage and it sucked. We’re all happier now and besides, I got her to use the potty! I would have given her a pony to get her out of diapers but M&Ms are cheaper.

The sad part: As I was getting Madison into her first pair of big girl underwear on Tuesday, Jacob crawled up and quietly to observe the situation. I looked up to find a sad look on his face so I asked him what was wrong. He told me that he was upset because he is older than Madison and wants to utilize the bathroom like his friends at school. He knows the situation with his catheters and medication which prevent him from being potty trained but apparently his feelings are still being hurt. It doesn’t seem to matter how prepared I think I am to handle these incidents when they arrise - they always seem to catch me off guard.

Happy New Year

We rang in the new year in the comfort of our home in the company of friends and family. To pass the time before the ball drop, we played Wii and Dance Dance on Xbox. My Dad, who just celebrated the big 5-0, provided many laughs by joining in on the fun. Madison made it to 10:30 before crashing and Jake made it all the way to midnight.
We woke up this morning to yet another snow storm. Nice way to start off the new year! As if we haven’t had enough snow in the past few weeks. I’d take sweltering heat over snow any day.