Down & Out

Now I remember why I disliked school so much as a kid.

Yesterday was my huge lab practicum which I’ve been preparing for all week. The professor gave us little hints as to what we should focus on while studying and made a few promises to ease our minds. I had a stress induced stomach ache all day which got worse as the hours slipped by and the practicum got closer. I studied my heart out. When I felt sure I couldn’t retain any more information, I left the house and headed to school. When I got there I realized I was in trouble as I witnessed the professor setting up things he had promised we wouldn’t have to worry about. Panic set in. I began to shake and feel the fire in my cheeks. I took a few deep breaths before rising from my seat to begin the exam. I took one look in the microscope before realizing that I was in serious trouble. Shit. Each microscope displayed a different slide with different questions but all the same frustration. We were warned not to touch the stage or magnification as they were already set to the right adjustments for us. With 17 adults in the room, you’d think simple directions would be followed. They weren’t. As I walked from scope to scope I realized the “pictures” were changing. Someone had changed the magnification and moved the stage. What the hell?? As if I needed something else to work against me! I was so frustrated I walked out. I sat in the hall to “gather” myself. Instead, I broke down and cried. Realizing that crying was not going to award me the grade I hoped for, I went back inside to put ink on my paper. Making sure there weren’t any empty holes, I passed in my exam.

I definitely failed. From what I gathered, everyone else in the class didn’t do well either but that doesn’t make my situation any better. I have a written test in this class on Monday. I can’t afford to do poorly on that one but we don’t know what will be on it so the odds are against me. I just want to be done - degree or no degree.