i'm a jerk

I tried to remember to call him, I really did. I meant to call him on Sunday but it was Mother's Day. Then I meant to call yesterday but we spent the entire day in and out of Doctor's appointments. I can't believe I screwed up so bad.

I called my uncle a couple of weeks ago in a panic because I need to renew my CPR certification in order to remain in the nursing program. The card has to be in their hands by June 1st. I called my uncle because he helped me out the last time since he is a firefighter and has connections with CPR instructors. This time, he had to do some finangling in order to help me out. It took two days to get a date and time for my test. It was for 5/13 @ 7p

The other day I discovered a little league challenger team nearby. Chris spoke to the coach who told us to attend their upcoming game on Tuesday, 5/13 @ 6p. Shit. Because this meant so much to me to see Jacob playing a sport he loves, I ran up to work and ended up getting certified there so I could make Jake's dream a reality. I was trying to be a good Mommy. I ended up being a horrible niece.

Because I didn't get a chance to call him before, I swore I would call him this morning after breakfast. Well he beat me to it. He called as I was getting out of the shower to remind me about my certification tonight. Probably to make sure I didn't no-show making him look like a jerk. Instead, I'm the jerk. I told him the whole story and all I got was short answers and an excuse to get off the phone. I deserve that.

Why can't I make anyone happy?

Although I didn't go about it the right way, I really thought that what I was doing was right. I still do. My child and his happiness comes first. I wish instead of being angry with me, he'd say to himself "there's a dedicated Mom".

Now my whole day is ruined because I'm the type of person who will beat myself up over it well after everyone else has forgotten. I've done this my whole life. I've tried to be the person who doesn't care. I've failed miserably at each attempt. I even bought a new pair of glasses without anyone's input. I held my head high and felt great about my choice - until I got home. Chris looked at me and sighed heavily, my best friend stared at them and didn't say a word, and my Dad voiced his disapproval. I tried really hard not to care what others thought but I failed. I am now so self conscious about my glasses that I only wear them around the house.

Why is it that the person who tries so hard to please people ends up pleasing no one?