finals week(s)

It's that time again! I have been very neglectful of my blog because all my attention has been on my kids, studying, work, and Chris. Yup, in that order too. Notice my house was not on the list of attention getters. Because the house has joined the blog on the "neglected list" you can only imagine what it looks like with three kids running around, two dogs, and a cat - plus we're dog sitting this week so add another dog into the mix. Sure, why not, right?

Microbiology is kicking my butt. I have spent my entire summer studying and stressing and I still might have to retake it next summer which would mess up my nursing clinicals next semester. I want to rip my hair out in large chunks thinking about wasting another summer on this crap. The worst part is that if I don't get the B- I need, I will have only missed it by a point or two at the most. I am so close, yet so far away!

The kids are doing well. Olivia is not yet walking. I brought Madison to get her hair cut really short last week and I thought Chris was never going to talk to me again - although lately that would be a blessing. Madison asked for it short and I allowed it because it's just hair and it'll grow back. It came out really cute! I'll post pictures on my photoblog later. Jacob is gearing up for first grade and we're going shopping for school clothes this weekend. My baby is growing up!

My surgery is coming up (next Friday) and I'm scared to death! All this studying has really helped to keep my mind off of it (kind of).

Stay tuned for grade updates, kid updates, and surgery updates!

work gripe

I called work to let them know about my surgery date. The new schedule had come out and I am scheduled to work August 9th and 10th. Since this interferes with my surgery, I started trying to find coverage for the weekend. I called five coworkers before reaching someone who agreed to take my shifts for me. Immediately after hanging up the phone, I emailed my supervisor to give her the heads up of the schedule change. I breathed a sigh of relief and went to bed.

I woke up this morning and checked my email to see if my supervisor had gotten back to me yet - she had not. I was making lunch when I heard the pinging of my laptop alerting me of a new email. It was an email from my supervisor saying that the coverage I found was not acceptable and I'd need to find an alternative.

Since I exhausted all my options in my first attempt, I'm not sure how I'm going to find a suitable solution the second time around. I'm so frustrated.

consult

I went to my consult. I was incredibly nervous but thankfully the surgeon was very nice and put my mind at ease. Chris and I have been discussing the pros and cons and I think we've finally come to a decision we are both satisfied with. My surgery will be August 8th. This will give me three solid weeks of recovery before returning to school in September. I am crossing my fingers that this will be enough time for me to get back to normal since that is all the time I have to recover.

update

or lack there of. I have been in a major funk lately. Nothing seems to be going right and I'm having a hard time accepting things for what they are. I've been pretty down and it's really taking a toll.

Even though I haven't been posting here, I've been trying to keep my photoblog updated (as much as possible). If you decide to check out my photoblog, please note that it is open to my family and IRL friends and I'd like to keep them far away from this blog. I just feel like I'd lose my ability to write freely if they were reading and commenting here. I'm weird and openly admit it.

In other news, Chris and I have decided that our family is going organic and I started weight watchers.

What a random post.

it pours

I brought Olivia for her 1yr check-up this morning. We had the worst nurse ever - she rivals Nurse Ratched. She asked me lay Olivia down on the table so she could measure her head. I warned her that she hates her head touched and has an independent mind lately. I offered to hold her in my arms upright and she could sneak the measurement of her head just like the other nurses in the office have done in the past. She refused and instructed me to lay her down on the table. Of course, Olivia freaked out - shaking her head back and forth and waving her hands. I tried holding her still the best I could only to hear the nurse say "Um, Mom - could you do something to hold her still? I can't do everything! I'm not Supernurse!" Clearly. She finally got her head measurement and did a quick length measurement but it was shotty at best. She didn't stretch her heals or try to get her body in a straight line. Olivia was 28in long by her measurements. We then go into the hallway to get her weight. The nurse attempted to zero the scale but didn't place the pad on the scale first. I had to ask her to zero the scale again before placing Olivia on it. Olivia weighed 18 lbs even. We go back to the room to wait for the pediatrician where we waited for at least 15mins. When the pediatrician came in she immediately got to work. She first addressed Olivia's skin tone noting its orange-yellow appearance. It has been this color long before she started eating carrots, sweet potatoes, and squash. The pediatrician said to watch the whites of her eyes for any yellow coloring since this could indicate a liver problem. She then shows me the weight and height charts and points to the dots slightly off the chart that represent where Olivia stands. She said her weight was acceptable since babies tend to lose or plateau when they become more active but she was concerned with the fact that her height had declined slightly. She suggested that Olivia might have a thyroid or growth hormone issue going on that would explain her slow growth. I couldn't believe it! What else could go wrong in one appointment? The pediatrician suggested that we wait three months until her next appointment and recheck her height. If it's still an issue we'd get her thyroid and growth hormone checked with a blood test. Because we are going through this with Jake, I requested that we have the blood test done before leaving the office. Olivia got three shots which left welts and blood stains on her clothes. We then headed down to the lab to get her blood drawn. My poor girl was stuck four times before we left the building.

When we finally got home I made her a bottle and cuddled with her on the couch until she fell asleep on my chest. She was so peaceful in my arms after such a stressful morning. I placed my lips on her forehead for a minute breathing in her sweet smell. For these short moments my baby was safe with me.

when it rains

I went into Jake's room this afternoon to tell him that rest time was over and found him passed out. Never a good sign. Sure enough, when my little man emerged from his room his face was pale and he was whining about his belly and his head. Little bugger is sick. It figures! I had class tonight, and for the next 24hrs I'll have my nose in my microbiology book studying for an exam tomorrow night. As I was leaving for class tonight, Jake asked me to stay home and sit with him. Practically broke my heart. I told him that I had to go to class but would check on him when I got home. I felt so guilty for leaving him. I shouldn't be going to school right now, I should be home with my babies. I should be reading them bedtime stories and kissing them goodnight. When I got to class I explained to my professor that I had a sick child at home and asked if I could be excused from lecture after our quiz. He agreed and I was able to make it home just as Jake was going to bed. I read a couple of chapters of Jigsaw Jones and kissed his forehead. Thankfully, his fever is coming down with the help of some Motrin. I just hope his belly feels better tomorrow.

practice doesn't make perfect

I take my camera out at least once a day. After annoying my children with the lens in their face, I quickly plug my camera into my computer to see what I've done. Each day it's the same pictures, different outfits, different problems. I get frustrated and put the camera away vowing never to touch it again. Then I look at pictures taken by Michelle, Girl, and Krysten whose talents inspire me and frustrate me all at the same time. I get lost in their work and think that if I work hard, I too, will be able to call photography a talent of mine. Not so. I pick up the camera and start taking more pictures hoping to create something worth showing off. No such luck. Although I haven't given up yet, part of me wonders when I'll realize that I'll never be good enough. I laugh because we went out and bought a decent camera, a few lenses, and the accessories, to take better, higher quality pictures. I'm frustrated. I'm sitting here treading water in the ocean of photography and while I'm not exactly sinking, I'm not swimming either. I hope that I'm half as good as Michelle, Girl, and Krysten one day. They are truly amazing. While I aspire to be amazing someday, I'd settle for 'average' in a flash.